You need to be more humble.
Did that offend you? If so, it’s a clear indication that you do, in fact, need to humble yourself. Or, maybe you read that and thought to yourself, Of course, I need to be more humble! If so, that’s a clear indication that you do, in fact, need to humble yourself.
See how that works? I would never call myself “humble.” I’m constantly trying to keep my fragile ego in check. I also suffer from the pride of thinking that I’m right about things. In my defense, I am right about so many things! Wait… there’s that pride bubbling up again. Dangit!
The pursuit of humility is similar to the pursuit of happiness in that both destinations are not destinations at all, but lifelong pursuits; ongoing iterative processes. We find morsels along the way, letting us know that we’re headed in the right direction.
Individualistic Societies and You!
Western culture is an individualistic culture (as opposed to a communal culture). As such, the rise of the individual is paramount. Our stories are those of “the hero’s journey.” Think about it. We love to see underdogs rise up and win. We also love to see great demi-god-like people succeed and trounce their opponents. And when they do, we cheer and they cheer and everyone is riding a wave of winning!
That’s all fine and dandy, yet it has an insidious effect upon us: we start to believe everything is a zero-sum game. There’s always a winner and there’s always a loser. Somebody is going to make money on this so it might as well be me. If I don’t get mine, someone will take it and I’ll miss out. Does any of this sound familiar?
Humans are communal creatures - be it by design or by adaptation. Communities only work as long as the participants set their own selfish desires aside for the sake of the group. Pride tells us that we don’t need other people, that we’re “self-made and self-paid.” These are conflicting belief systems, and, as you can see, only one is driven by darkness.
If you’re like me, you’ve spent time in both of the above environments (e.g., church, class, sport, etc.). I’d be willing to bet you were much happier when you were a part of a harmonious community rather than fighting for resources in an arena of ball hogs.
Happiness, Humility, and Harmony
Growing up, my family attended the conservative branch of the church of Christ (the little “c” in “church” was on purpose). How conservative? Think of a church in the movie “Footloose,” and remove the musical instruments - all hymns must be sung a cappella without a choir. Side note: I actually LOVE this form of worship, but I digress.
In order to accomplish a congregation of non-choir people to sing as in a choir, the hymns use shape notes - each note has a specific shape so it can be easily recognizable in the key. There are four parts: soprano (melody), alto, tenor, and bass. Below is an example:
As you can see, the sound is a harmonious combining of voices rather than spotlights on superstars. There is no showboating, no lead singers, no voice stylings. You have to sing your part accurately, on key, and in time with the group.
Humility leads to the harmony which leads to happiness.
Who are you trying to impress?
The thing about being impressive is that it relies on other people to be impressed. To do that, something must be done or conveyed in some way to get the job done. That involves an investment of resources. Don’t get me wrong, I have no beef with investing your resources to achieve something you believe is worthy. However, if you’re exhausting your time and energy to do something simply to impress others, pride is involved.
What happens when you put a lot of effort into doing something or creating something that you think will impress people only to have it fall flat? In my life, my pride is hurt more than anything. But there’s the issue: pride. When I embark on an endeavor with the mindset that it doesn’t matter what people think of me, it must be done, I’m a lot happier at every turn of the way.
Humility makes friends
When you act with humility rather than pride, you’ll find that people like you more. They feel more comfortable with you, trust you, and open up which, let’s face it, is the essence of friendship. Of course, we don’t take any of that for granted and protect that trust.
When people know that they don’t have to compete with you, they’re more likely to be on the same team as you. Let that sink in.
Humble and Kind
As the song says, “Always stay humble and kind.” It’s a powerful message to all of us. A life of pride yields either fake friends or no friends. A life of humility yields deeper connections with true friends. Like attracts like. I don’t know about you, but I like true friends and deep connections. I reckon a path toward humility is the best way to get there.