What is your purpose in life? I have an answer which applies to everyone (you too!), but I’ll get to that later.
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If you asked the average Joe on the street, “What is your purpose in life?” he’ll probably answer with one of the three responses below:
“I don’t know”
“To be happy”
“Not die”
It may not surprise you to know that I did not conduct an extensive survey across a broad spectrum of random participants to get the above replies. Nah, I just came up with them. But am I off the mark?
If I were to ask you the same question, and you had to answer with the first thing that came to mind, what would you say? Maybe you have a purpose and you can describe it in great detail. Great! Go save those orphans in Calcutta. However, the rest of us are still trying to figure out that nagging question, “What is my purpose in life?”
While I haven’t done that aforementioned poll (Gallup has one), I would venture to guess that the vast majority of people don’t feel like their work is fulfilling their purpose in life. How often do you meet someone who is doing exactly what they were built to do? It’s so rare that we probably don’t know what that looks like. The closest we can approximate are those in the public spotlight: professional athletes, entrepreneurs, motivational speakers, etc. And, too often, we use those people not simply for inspiration, but as a template for ourselves, even though their purpose may not be our purpose.
Why do so many of us have difficulty with such a deeply important question? How do we not know our purpose when each of us supposedly knows ourselves better than anyone?
First, let’s look at the potential reasons why we are confused about our purpose. Then we’ll look at ways to define it. After that, I’ll give you my answer to the purpose of life. Spoiler alert: it’s not completely mine. I lifted part of it from someone else. Yes, I’ll reveal my source when I get there.
How is it that you don’t know your purpose in life?
From what I can figure, there are ten big excuses (yes, “excuses,” not “reasons”) that may hinder you from realizing your purpose in life:
You haven’t challenged your brain to come up with an answer.
You default to lamenting about not knowing your purpose (leading to Excuse #1).
You are too distracted with entertainment, social media, news, sports, etc. (also leading to Excuse #1).
You have let someone else determine your purpose, even though you don’t feel it.
You have no starting point - meaning, you haven’t tried enough things to know what is not your purpose and, furthermore, haven’t learned what could be your purpose from lack of trying.
Your purpose may lie outside of your current spectrum of understanding
You’re locked into a set of golden handcuffs - too afraid of letting go of your security to venture into the unknown.
You are burdened with a multitude of responsibilities and obligations which may either dampen your enthusiasm or outright blockade any pondering of the question (Akin to Excuse #7).
You may be fooling yourself as to what our true purpose is - usually a result of pride. The pursuit of fame, money, power, and pleasure clouds your vision.
This is the big one: you simply don’t know yourself well enough to know your purpose.
Does any of this strike a nerve? Do you have another reason, one you believe justifies someone not being able to figure out their purpose? Feel free to share.
How to find your purpose in life
While the above are excuses, they don’t excuse anything. Strange how that works, eh?
Allow me to break it down:
You haven’t challenged your brains to come up with an answer. Pretty straightforward. Lazy thinking is so thoroughly epidemic that many of us don’t realize we’re guilty of it. We think (lazily) that we’re really thinking about something, yet we’re only scratching the surface. It’s like curling a broom handle with both hands and calling it weight-lifting. Sure, there’s some weight to that broom handle, but, as the saying goes, it ain’t heavy, it’s my broom handle.
You default to lamenting about not knowing your purpose (leading to Reason #1). What a waste of time! If we’re in a state of self-pity because we don’t know our purpose, we cannot even begin to do the work to figure it out.
You are too distracted with entertainment, social media, news, sports, etc. (also leading to Reason #1). Sure, we all need some time to veg out. Yet, when our affinity for passive entertainment begins to consume our lives, that’s a bad thing. Keyword: passive. Some people are built to be in these industries. But those people are actively producing, not merely consuming. And, no, your purpose in life is not to blog about your favorite episode of “The Office.”
You have let someone else determine your purpose, even though you don’t feel it. This is usually a result of overbearing parents. It could also be the result of an encouraging, albeit misdirected, circle of friends. In both cases, we could feel as though others know us better than ourselves. If you have tried what they have encouraged you to do, and you’re not feeling it at your core, you’ve probably been misled. Your purpose is not to fulfill the expectations of others.
You have no starting point - meaning, you haven’t tried enough things to know what is not your purpose and, furthermore, haven’t learned what could be your purpose from lack of trying. Sometimes the best way to find your path in life is to take the path in front of you and see where it leads. It may be the right path, the wrong path, or a path that leads you to the right path. But you’ll never know unless you embark upon some path. Try something that interests you and stick with it for a while, at least six months. It’s never a waste of time if you’re interested in it and, of course, it doesn’t take away from your obligations. Do it as a part-time hobby and see what happens. Or, if you don’t have an interest, per se, try something new. A tapdancing class may lead to you working as a pro-bono doctor in a third-world country. Stranger things have happened.
Your purpose may lie outside of your current spectrum of understanding. You may be built to be the best Zurggenball player on Planet Xenoplatt, but you’ll never find out. That may be an absurd extreme, but for some people in some situations, it isn’t. A child born in extreme poverty, raised by overly sheltering parents may not know what opportunities are available to pursue. But such a child doesn’t stay a child forever. We all arrive at the age of legal adulthood. Once we’re on our own, we can stay within our understanding or expand it. We may not get to Planet Xenoplatt, but our imagination can go there anytime.
You’re locked into a set of golden handcuffs - too afraid of letting go of your security to venture into the unknown. If money is your goal, then it’s almost absurd for you to give up a great source of income for something that may or may not compensate you as well. That said, if fulfilling your purpose is the goal, a conundrum exists. The good news is, you don’t have to sacrifice your current income. You only need to give up some of your free time activities so that you can work on finding your true purpose. Quick note: If you do find your purpose and want to make the move to work on it full time, use prudence. I recommend reading the book below before making any drastic moves.
You are burdened with a multitude of responsibilities and obligations which may either dampen your enthusiasm or outright blockade any pondering of the question (Akin to Excuse #7). If you are too busy or you have too many worries or too many responsibilities, it’s because you have somehow allowed those things to clutter your life. Hey, you’re important. No doubt about it. But you are not so important that you have to be everything to everyone. Delegate, defer or dispose of at least one nagging item so that you can make space (i.e., time and mental energy) for focused thought regarding your purpose. Heck, you might find that your purpose is to help people get over having too many responsibilities, worries, etc. Look at The Minimalists.
You may be fooling yourself as to what your true purpose is - usually a result of pride. The pursuit of fame, money, power, and pleasure clouds your vision. Too many people have a diluted view of themselves, their talents and abilities, and, therefore, their purpose. As with Excuse #3, these folks spend endless hours perched in front of their TV/phone/tablet/computer watching people who have spent years refining their skills. They then think to themselves, “I want to do that!” (Ever see those lines for American Idol tryouts?) Your purpose is not to have fame, money, power, and/or pleasure. Working with your true purpose may or may not yield any, some, or all of those, but those things, in and of themselves, are not a purpose. They are a byproduct.
This is the big one: you simply don’t know yourself well enough to know your purpose. How well do you know yourself? Too often, we assume that we are experts not only of human behavior but of our own psyche. And, too often, we’ve assumed too much. If we truly knew ourselves, then we would know our purpose. Admitting that we don’t know our purpose is, in essence, admitting that we don’t know ourselves. A good start is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI). I recommend taking a personality test over at 16Personalities.com.
Now that we’ve debunked the excuses, how then do you find your purpose? Try one, some, or all of the following. If these may sound familiar; humor me:
Do a dopamine detox. Removing all the distracting stimuli can open up landscapes of time and attention to detail in you and your surroundings. It will also naturally guide you to do things that interest you rather than entertain you.
Pay attention to when you’re engaged and when you’re bored. This usually is best after a dopamine detox as you’ll most likely be engaged in passive entertainment beforehand. Binge-watching Netflix is not your purpose in life.
Dabble in the activities mentioned for your MBTI personality type on 16Personalities. You may be surprised to find that you had never considered them but, once you look into them, they’re a great fit. That happened to me.
Ask a few friends to point out your strengths and weaknesses. Get an honest appraisal. If you don’t have honest friends (only sycophants), get new friends! They may or may not be on the mark, but don’t get upset with their perception of you. Simply take it all in and mull it around in the ol’ noggin.
Notice what pulls at your heartstrings. Do you have a heart for stray animals? The homeless? The environment? Starving artists? There may be a purpose there. Sure, you may be overly sentimental or even a sucker, but there’s no shame in caring for causes. Personally, I’d rather be a sucker than a cynic.
Lots of lists in this one, my friend. Here’s to hoping you got something of value from it all.
One last thing, remember at the beginning of this post when I mentioned that I’d tell you the purpose of life? Well, here you go:
The purpose of life is to actively work toward a noble goal which grabs your interest and won’t let go.
If that sounds familiar, I lifted some of it from Earl Nightengale:
Find something that interests you which benefits you and others and start working on it. Therein lies your purpose in life.