Revenge of the Cavenerd
An ODDBALL look at prehistoric man
Hello! Odd to see you! :)
Here’s a treat for you: a feature from one of my previous zines BURRITO (with a few edits). It’s about cavemen so it stands the test of time. It’s also about nerds which stand the test of time as well. Enjoy!
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Revenge of the Cavenerd, as seen in BURRITO, Issue #10
You may be asking yourself, “What is a cavenerd?” By asking that question, you essentially make yourself a cavenerd. It all makes sense!
We know that a caveman:
does not wear glasses
is not so smart
has large eyebrows
And that a nerd:
wears glasses
is smart
sometimes has large eyebrows
Because some nerds have large eyebrows, we can deduce that they have caveman ancestry. Yet they are so different. How can this be?
Since there were no malls in caveman days, we know that there were no glasses shops; no glasses shops = no glasses. A caveman with bad eyesight would have to figure out ways to survive, i.e., get smart and evolve into a nerd.
Whoa! We just solved one of the mysteries of the universe! This is because we are nerds. Let us continue.
Let's think about the evolution of the cavenerd (or us). Back in the older-olden days, cavemen relied on their keen eyesight to spot prey such as wooly mammoths, T-rexes, and other rexes. If a caveman had bad eyesight, he couldn't make out such creatures. He would look at the wooly mammoth and think “Oh, a large moving couch. I will sit upon it.” When he tried, the wooly mammoth would eat him. This is called the demise of the not-fittest. Our myopic caveman would need to find a way to not get into such a situation to live and breed more. His lack of vision would force his brain to grow and transform him into a cavenerd.
With the luxury of prehistoric history books, we know that cavenerds invented such things as “tools” and “fire” and “money” to survive. Today, we see the modern-day manifestation of those items:
Tools = Computers
Fire = Software
Money = Random Access Memory
Throughout billions of years, that old cavenerd who sat in a dark, isolated cave and tried to figure out how to survive in a world full of ruffians has evolved into the modern-day nerd who sits in a dark, isolated mom's basement and tries to figure out how to operate in a world full of ruffians.
Oh, how the world has changed.
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Until next time, stay oddly beautiful!
Jason