What does “cool” mean to you? Do images of celebrities or sports cars may pop into your head? Have you ever wondered why? What hoists someone or something onto the “cool” pedestal? We’ll see that the root is rotten when we dig a bit. Hear me out and you may agree that it’s not cool to try to be cool.
Before we jump in, let’s set aside a couple of definitions of “cool” that are positive:
Calm under pressure (e.g., “Through the whole ordeal, the man kept his cool.”
On the same page (e.g., “Are we cool?”)
Both of these are usually used by those who have surpassed 30 years old - “old folks” to those young whippersnappers. And, as we get older, our usage of the word “cool” begins to be associated with its actual definition - “on the colder side yet not quite cold.” Like that first day after summer wanes and there’s a nip in the air. Ahhh… autumn.
With those two definitions set aside, let’s look at the more insidious nature of “cool.” It’s good to first understand what exactly we mean by “cool” and the essence of its place in our parlance. You’ll also want to know why I suggest that you shouldn’t be cool. But, if you’re not cool, that’s not cool. What’s the alternative? I’ll get to that in due time. Cool?
Stay cool
A 30-second internet search revealed that “cool” became slang around 1933. Miles Davis’s album “The Birth of Cool” came out in 1957. Thirty years later, Mike’s Camero from “Adventures in Babysitting” has cool holding strong. Fast forward another thirty years and the Jonas Brothers are singing about “Cool.”
Each generation has not only adopted “cool” into their vernacular, but they also create new variations for their cohort. Usually, their derivative denotes a slight variation:
Groovy = Cool in a hippy way
Sick = Cool in an edgy way
Lit = Cool in an exciting/novel way
You get the idea. On the surface, it may seem as though “cool” means “fun” or “interesting.” We tell ourselves that it’s just the younger generation’s word for the same thing we said when we were young. Perhaps. But there’s something lurking below the surface.
When you boil it down, “cool” means “that which is considered enviable.” Boil it down further and you get pride. Sounds crazy, right? Bear with me.
What is cool?
In my younger days, I admired James Dean’s laid-back, devil-may-care attitude and, more to the point, how other people admired him. I thought, “I wish I were like James Dean.” That, of course, is envy. Why did I want that? So that I could be admired in some way and, if I’m honest, have people see me and think, “I wish I was like Jason.” That, of course, is pride. Ultimately, no one ever considered me cool like James Dean. I’m a nerd.
When you think about it, it’s all an act. If I were naturally suave and debonaire, I wouldn’t have to try, nor would I pay attention to people’s reactions. Furthermore, when I thought I was cool and I did anything that jeopardized that image (like doing something silly or stupid, which I did often), I would get embarrassed. That’s pride in the facade. It’s not genuine.
An act is not natural nor is it sustainable. It’s a lot of work and there’s no true payoff. Additionally, there will always be a fear that, if people like you, they only like you because you’re cool and, if they knew the real you, they would leave. Quite frankly, some of those people would leave. Bummer.
Being cool just to be cool? That’s not cool.
So, maybe you’re faking it and you get fake friends. It’s easy to think it’s better to have fake friends than no friends at all. But that’s assuming that the true you isn’t worthy of true friends. You are worthy.
When we’re entrenched in a persona of our design, it can be difficult to shed. We lose sight of who we really are; the person behind the mask. It seems easy to be a wannabe James Dean because he has a proven track record of being universally liked. You, on the other hand, are an unknown variable in your social world and it can feel risky and vulnerable to bear yourself to a cruel and judgemental world.
I have good news: I want to know the real you. I want to hear your honest thoughts, dreams, and concerns. Want more good news? Other people want that as well.
Of course, all of this must be done with humility. The prideful struts about telling people to accept them for who they are. The humble act naturally, knowing that there may be people who may not like them or even correct them with constructive criticism.
It’s cool to be you
If you’ve already given up on the whole “cool” game and you’re living a genuine and earnest life, then this message should be reassuring. I doubt anyone who is vehemently in favor of being cool has reached this point in this post. If, however, you’re trying to be cool but finding that it’s a tough gig and you would love to just be yourself, then be yourself.
Here’s the crazy thing: when you allow yourself to act naturally and share with others your true self, you’ll find that people are generally accepting. And, even better, they like your honesty and enjoy your seemingly quirky personality. You’re no longer a pale imitation of some pop culture icon. You are you.
Be you.
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